I overcame a big fear recently.
For the past two years, my friends have been playing Mahjong and I kept making excuses why I didn't want to play.
See, the first time I tried, I didn't get it at all. It was a boozy brunch day with my friends so some bubbles were involved which didn't help.
I started to believe I wasn't smart enough to learn this complicated game. Learning new games has always made me fearful, so I made up excuses why I didn't want to play this one.
I took comfort in the excuses because they made me feel safe, even though they were lies that were holding me back.
You see, my fear of feeling stupid has been my Achilles most of my life and yes, there's a root source to this fear that goes back to my elementary years.
I have coached dozens of clients through their fears. It was time for me to apply what I know to work for others to myself.
Here's what I did to overcome it:
*I sought evidence for the truth because I knew if I looked for it, I would find it. There's a wall of certificates and awards directly behind my desk. All I had to do was turn around and open my eyes.
*I found a safe space to learn.
*I asked A LOT of questions not allowing myself to self-shame myself for them possibly being "stupid".
*I set myself up for success and drank water only.
*I gave myself grace as I learned something new, not allowing myself to silently shame myself if I made a mistake.
**The result - I WON TWICE + won the biggest battle which was overcoming my fear of feeling stupid.
The amount of energy I spent making excuses and shaming myself far outweighed the amount of energy I spent just trying. Lesson learned.
I know overcoming fear can feel complex and difficult. But instead of letting it win today, I challenge you to identify something that you are secretly afraid of, recognize that fear is a lie forcing you to stay small, and give yourself grace as you grow through it.
*Choose not to give your fear any more energy.
*Approach it with grace.
*Keep it light! Don't make it unnecessarily heavy.
*Take one step at a time.
**And celebrate your growth. Overcoming fears is no joke, but they are doable. Yes, even for you.
What fear do you want to overcome today?
Celebrating all of the small steps with you.
Jackie Carl, MCLC
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